The Real Deal

 No matter what I have harvested before, as my first New Mexico Deer hunt approached, I began to feel like, "this is the real deal!" When draw results were released, and I found out I had drawn a deer tag in the northwest corner of our state, I was ecstatic! And then I was nervous.  This is what I had been working towards, but was I really ready? Was I really a huntress,or just kidding myself? Every time I wrestled with these questions, the answer I felt inside myself was, you are ready, this is real, this is you. 

When the actual weekend of my hunt was upon me, I felt it all, excitement, nervousness, pride, trepidation... And then it was Friday afternoon, my workday was over, and the time had come. I had been building towards this moment for so long, I couldn't wait.

As with most things involving children, getting out of the house took forever. Nick had gone ahead, and found a campsite. I packed up for myself and the kids, and dropped them off at a friends house. Then the adventure began!

My hunt was on the western edge of the state, and I had to cross over a 10,000 foot pass on the way. The nature of leaving kids for a weekend being what it is, I left the house much later than anticipated, which put me at the top of the pass right at sunset. I am always one to look on the bright side and find the silver lining. Well it wasn't hard here. The unbelievable view and golden light fueled my momentum, and increased my excitement! I had to pull over and enjoy the view. I took it as an omen of good things to come!

I got to camp well after dark, and Nick and I made a plan for the morning. I nervously asked the same questions over and over, and tried to visualize my ideal scenario. Breathe. Aim, Breathe. Shoot.

I slept restlessly, but enough, and when our alarms went off well before the dawn, I awoke, ready to go.  We drank our coffee in relative quiet, and layered on coats in the freezing pre-dawn chill. We drove out to the point Nick thought we should start from, and started to hike. 

I was carrying the gun, and felt like I had to be ready any moment, thinking I may see a deer at any moment. I didn't even feel the cold, I was so focused. As time went on I began to realize, this would be a long haul, and let myself enjoy the moment for what it was. And it was beautiful. 

One of the most amazing things about hunting big game, is the places it takes you. The sun started to come up, we were on the edge of a mesa, overlooking a canyon, and we were the only people for miles. It was spectacular. 

It soon became apparent that we were the only creature of any kind for miles, and there wasn't a deer to be seen. We stopped and just watched for a while, enjoying the cold, clear morning, the quiet, and each other's company. It was a rare treat. After miles of walking, we decided to head back to camp to rest, and try a new spot that evening. I knew the chances of shooting a buck on the first morning were slim, but I found myself disappointed nonetheless. As we were heading back to the truck I stumbled upon a deer shed. It was small, and sun bleached, but it was the first antler shed I had ever found. I took it as a sign, and my spirits were lifted. 

That evening we hunted a different section of the unit. As we hiked into a valley, we found ourselves following fresh tracks! My heart lifted, this was it! I held tight to the rifle and mentally prepared, visualized, and steeled my nerve. Breathe. Aim. Breathe. Shoot.

It wasn't long into our hike that we spotted several deer! My heart leapt and I readied my gun, but they were all does. We watched them run past, and though disappointed, I was encouraged. There are deer here. There are deer here. 

We found ourselves in a beautiful meadow as sunset approached. Surely this would be a good place to wait, and find a buck! We waited and watched. Night crept over us. It was beautiful, still, filled with the sounds of the forest, and nothing else. It was peaceful, and restorative, and I loved it. But there were no deer. We hiked out as the last light of the sun faded. It is only the first day, after all. Don't be discouraged. 

The next morning felt familiar already. Rise before the sun. Layer up. Coffee. More Coffee. Focus. Kiss for good luck. We headed to yet another location to start our hike. Again, I felt the magic and intensity of starting our hike in the dark, and the energy that builds as the sun rises. We didn't talk much, but listened intently to the woods around us, noting every sound in the trees, in the distance. As the sun rose, and the world slowly brightened, I noticed tracks on the trail we were following. Nick saw them too. They were fresh. My heart began to race. Breathe. Aim. Breathe. Shoot. Breathe. Aim. Breathe. Shoot. I silently chanted to myself as we came down a hill and into a meadow, monochromatic in the early light. Nick wanted a lay of the land, so we climbed a steep hill, finding a good vantage point and glassed the valley below. 

I stood beside my husband, watching him scan through he binoculars, and then he froze. "Get down!" he whispered. "Take off your hat!" I quickly pulled my hunting orange beanie from my head and sat down, hard, in the dirt beside him. "They're on the other side of the meadow, and I think there is a buck." That was it. We were hurrying down the hill, sliding, jogging, and making our way across the 400 yards that were between us and the deer Nick had spotted. My heart was racing. Breathe. Aim. Breathe. Shoot.Breathe. Aim. Breathe. Shoot.Breathe. Aim. Breathe. Shoot.

As we neared the group of does Nick had spotted we slowed, and then crawled on our bellies to a vantage point, hidden in some brush. I crawled out in front of Nick and put up the rifle to look through the scope. I saw him immediately. The proud young buck among the does. I didn't even think to tell Nick. I knew what to do. I no longer needed to give myself a pep talk. I knew it. Breathe. Aim. Breathe. Shoot. And I did.

When I looked back at my husband, he was absolutely shocked. Later he told me it was because he hadn't seen the buck from his vantage point, and couldn't believe it when he heard me release the safety, let alone shoot! We pulled my deer into the shade, and set to the long task of field dressing. I was elated. I can't describe the feeling with any other word than pride. I had been working so hard to get to this moment. I had set off on a journey, just over a year before, to become closer to my food, more responsible for the meat I ate and fed my family, and more connected to the process of being a meat eater. Well here I was, this was it, the real deal.

As we packed out the meat I felt an overwhelming surge of love for the man I followed, who had guided and supported me to this point. I knew I wouldn't have gotten there without him, not because I couldn't, but because he was as much a part of my journey as anything else. And I loved him for it. 

There were several times I needed to stop for a break. My pack was heavy, and I knew Nick's was more so. The day was spectacular, and I reveled in it's beauty. It felt as though even the forest knew what a feat I had accomplished!

When we returned to camp we celebrated with some champagne, because who doesn't take champagne on a hunting trip? I felt giddy despite my lack of sleep, and we recounted the highlights of the day. I called the kids and let them know I was coming home with a full cooler, and my news was returned with exclamations of joy and congratulations.  It felt like I had arrived, this was it, the real deal.